Wednesday, February 27, 2008

"Atlas Shrugged": Take Two

In comments, novelist Michael Prescott offers a quick fix for the proposed "Atlas Shrugged" movie:

Since it sounds like they've been having some trouble with the script (three writers and counting), allow me to contribute my own version of Atlas Shrugged: The Movie. I believe it offers everything fans are looking for: action, romance, plot twists, a fast pace, philosophical deepness, and characters who are relatable.

FADE IN.

STOCK SHOT OF CAPITOL BUILDING, WASHINGTON, D.C.

TITLE: "The People's State of America, sometime in the relatively recent past or future."

INTERIOR, HEARING ROOM.

WESLEY MOUCH, ROBERT STADLER, MR. THOMPSON and other VILLAINS are interrogating HANK REARDEN. In the audience, DAGNY TAGGART (wearing a blousy smock to conceal pregnancy) looks on.

MOUCH: Mr. Rearden, why should you be the only one permitted to manufacture Rearden Software?

REARDEN: Bite me.

A stir among the SPECTATORS. Flashbulbs POP. Newsreel cameras WHIR. DAGNY, unmoved, shows only a cool, mocking smile.

MR. THOMPSON: I hereby declare Rearden MicroSystems and Steel Imports, Inc., to be the property of the state!

Over the heads of the committee, a big-screen TV flashes on. JOHN GALT faces the camera.

GALT: A is A.

Pandemonium erupts. All the VILLAINS fall down dead. FRANCISCO D'ANCONIA parachutes down from a skylight and tosses MAC-11 machine guns to REARDEN and DAGNY. Together the three heroes BLAST their way through the rioting crowd.

FRANCISCO: Hasta la vista, parasites!

They reach the main door, where a frightened SECURITY GUARD throws down his gun and puts his hands up.

SECURITY GUARD: You can't shoot an unarmed man!

DAGNY (in CLOSEUP to conceal pregnancy): Check your premises.

She UNLOADS fifty rounds into his chest.

EXT. CAPITOL BUILDING, DAY

DAGNY, FRANCISCO, and REARDEN race down the steps to a Taggart Transglobal spaceliner parked in the street. They board the ship and TAKE OFF in a ROAR of flame.

INT. SPACELINER

DAGNY at the controls, REARDEN and FRANCISCO seated behind her.

DAGNY: I'm taking us to Atlantis. And when I get there, I'm dumping you, Hank.

REARDEN: It's all good. Whenever I pour a heat of steel or write a new line of code, it'll be like you're going down on me. Anyway, these days I'm more in the mood for something Latin...

He ogles FRANCISCO.

FRANCISCO: Ai chihuahua!

EXT. GALT'S GULCH, SUNSET

The spaceliner touches down. DAGNY (carrying a beach chair to conceal pregnancy) runs from the ship and embraces JOHN GALT.

DAGNY: We never had to take any of it seriously, did we?

GALT: Shut up and kiss me.

They kiss passionately. Soundtrack SWELLS with the theme of Halley's Fifth Concerto (or ELO's "Hold on Tight to Your Dream," depending on availability).

On the screen appears "THE END," which morphs into a QUESTION MARK.

FADE OUT

ROLL 140 MINUTES OF CREDITS

A VADIM PERELMAN JOINT

3 comments:

Jay said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahah

I almost had to leave my programming class today when I read this. Absolutely first-class comedy.

Anonymous said...

JEREMY NORTHAM FOR JOHN GALT

If you would like to see the brilliant Jeremy Northam as John Galt in
the movie "Atlas Shrugged", please sign this petition which is being
sent to Baldwin Entertainment, executive producers of the film.

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/johngalt

Dagny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.